what the.....

Talk about a crazy mood change this past week. The odd thing about winter term is the roller coaster of emotions tied with school. About this time I full expected to be stressed with tests and papers but this year is a little different. Rain.. yup still the same. Clouds... yup no big change there. But then comes a change in a schedule. Not only is it my senior year but there is just a few more distractions in my days than I have yet to deal with all of college. :) This whole senior year thing has set in full swing for me and last night was the first night of that affect. What do I do next year? Where will I be? I should start looking for a job now? What do I want to do though... Do I bite the bullet and travel - - well duh, but than again there is more to consider than just the fun of traveling. Do I come back to Eugene? Do I stay in Cannon Beach? Move to Portland? Pick somewhere random... I am so apathetic about school - so not inspired - so ready to "grow up". Will I be able to live alone? Or should I find a roommate? Then again where will I be? What will I be doing? Do I buy a car now or wait until it's a dire need? Do I spend the max or get the min? Do I graduate with one degree and call it quits? Do I try for grad school? Double major? Finish my minor? I could go on and on about the questions that are rolling through my head. The odd sense of worry that has swept over me, all based on one hour last night when all these pent up worries busted out. I find myself sitting waiting for my next midterm in such a distraction I am worried about my exam. My goodness what is this. Then I breathe. I realize that any sense of loneliness can be fulfilled by God and God alone. Any doubt that overtakes my heart is not of God but of the devil attacking the areas of my life that bring me the most joy. I shake my worry as best as I can and grab a hold of my fathers hand - grip tight and swear I'll never let go. There may be a moment where my grip loosens and for that moment I won't be proud but I promise I'll never let it go. I pray I'll be diligent in my studies and realize the blessing it is to be in college. I try to remember that this year -- yes it will soon end but there is so much joy to be had these next few months. Yes next year will come but worrying about it now does nothing for enjoying today and the life I have in the now. To worry is not to glorify the life God has given me and it does nothing but put a stress upon those who I love the most. For today I want to look up and smile and say thanks for the blessings you have given me and I promise I will enjoy each and everyone of them.